Happy New Year

I spent my xmas holidays with Laurie and the kids in Vancouver this year. It was very nice to be back in Canada, and being with friends and family again. The time between was awesome, but the flights back and forth have yet again supplied me with much amusement.

With my frequent flying these days, I have managed to get to Elite class for the star alliance group. Basically, you get free access to the lounges (very nice - healthy and not so healthy snacks, free drinks of all types, leather chairs, showers in some, etc....). Really nice. One benefit is the upgrade certificates which allow you, given space, to upgrade economy to business class or higher. Sweet!

So I figured, I will upgrade my flight from Frankfurt to Calgary, which was one of my stops on the way to Calgary. 10.5 hours would be much nicer in business class than cattle class. It was with a good deal of consternation that I found out there are many different classes of economy, and the certificates are only good for 4 types, not of which were on my tickets.

Basically, if you have a lot of nons i.e. non-refundable, non-transferable, etc... the grade of economy is reduced. Who knew? I tried in vain to upgrade to a higher level of economy, but the flight was sold out, and no room was left. Back to the land of plastic forks and knives for me.

It wasn't so bad though. I was excited about getting back to Canada, so I didn't let that bother me. Upon arriving in Calgary, I had to collect my luggage, go through customs, put my bags back on the baggage trolley, go out into the airport, and physically come back in through security. Ok, I can understand the customs part, where the baggage stays inside the "system", but why do travelers have to physically exit, then enter again. Everyone already goes through security at least once in any airport that can reach Canada, so it is just an inconvenience to travelers and airport staff alike. Anyone actually know the reasons for this?

Which leads me to the first amusing part of my trip. Well technically second as the first was the advertisement in the in-flight magazine for a "flawless" cubic zirconium necklace. Think about that for a moment. For when you want to give the very best. Marketing at its finest. The first serious WTF happening coming back in through security at Calgary. Let me say, there is probably no minimum IQ requirement for hiring security there.

Doesn't make me feel safe. What happened you wonder? Your jaw will either drop or you will laugh, but I swear this is true. I was picked out of the line for a "random" pat-down. Happened before but that was in San Francisco. I am standing there, arms spread wide, in a t-shirt. Gomer, or whatever his name was, starts patting down my arms. Remember, I am standing there in a short sleeved shirt. He is patting down skin. Did this on both sides. If I hadn't been so tired, I would have laughed, but I could only think, what the..... Scary, eh?

So I went to the lounge, and had a beer. The flight to Vancouver was uneventful, and thus I was able to start my holidays. My folks were kind enough to pick me up at the airport, and Laurie and kids came in the next night. -9 hour time zone change is a little rough.

More on the actual xmas break later.

So, the flight back. The US airways clerk didn't recognize or validate my elite status card (which I still couldn't use the upgrade certificates) but I can tag my bags priority and still use the lounges. I had to convince her that my card was correct and valid, the baggage tags I had were correct, etc...

I had to fly through Portland on my way back. Some of you may know this, but if you fly through a US airport, every bag will be opened and inspected. Every bag. If you put a lock on it, it will be cut off. Just an FYI (not that it happened to me). The initial flight in the Wright brothers plane, I mean the dash 8, was fun, as we flew at 11,000 feet through the cloud bank bouncing up and down. Lucky for me the Portland plane was delayed as well, as I wasn't sure if I would make it due to the Vancouver
flight being delayed.

After boarding, I was fit snuggly into my seat. I don't think I had been in a smaller chair yet. I had to put the seat belts over the arm rests before getting in, or they would never be reached. [Note to you smart-alecs out there, no my butt isn't getting bigger with all the german beer, thank you very much].

The one positive thing about this flight: real metal cutlery. Made a nice change.

The negatives. Well, lets just say it was a sequel to planes, trains, and automobiles. The older lady in front of me had a lovely habit of dropping her seat back with no warning, once during dinner. The man holding his baby sat behind me, either serenading me with colic crying, or kicking the back of my chair (hard to get mad at a baby, but boy is it frustrating). Then, I am not sure who it was, but someone near me must have thought it was a great idea to eat beans, high-fiber cereal, and other assorted roughage before getting on our flight. So to the person who was so generous with their ass gas, thanks. Really really did not enjoy that. Don't you love closed environments, not like you can just open a window. Lol.

So, I land in Frankfurt. I have a 4 hour layover until my flight to Düsseldorf. It's a 45 minute flight, and a 45 minute drive home. I could have driven to my apartment faster from Frankfurt rather than flying. Funny how that works sometimes. I headed over to the lounge.

Frankfurt airport has awesome lounges. This particular one I went to had a shower. That was most welcome, let me tell you. One word of caution, don't use the complementary shaving kits. I look like I went one-on-one with freddy kruger when I was done. May as well have shaved using a brick. The toilets in the lounges are cool. Never thought I would hear myself say that, but they are. The actual seat is attached to a motor, and once a person has finished using said commode, the motor spins the hard seating part, and applies a disinfectant to the entire surface as it rotates. Kind of like the hand sanitizers you see everywhere. Still, it's cool.

My last surprise was getting in my car and heading down the autobahn. I didn't notice until I was up at "close to" highway speeds, but my side mirror was dangling. Someone had broken off my side mirror, and didn't leave a note or anything. A long trip back to say the least.

Anyway, I am back in Germany again, and hope to hit a few places in the new year. Good money is on Dublin and Budapest, with Berlin also being likely. I will also put up pictures in the next few blogs as well.

Hope everyone has a great year! Laugh a lot, forget the bad stuff, and live life to its fullest. Cheers, and I hope you all enjoy the new adventures and stories to come.

Steve