Installment #2

Week 2.

Skill testing question of the week. What is the plastic piece at the
end of a shoelace called? Yes, it actually has a name. Answer at the
bottom of this email.

I will wrap up this, and following weeks, into a generic story rather
than splitting it up like I did the first week. I am sure I won't have
something everyday, but I will try and add as much as I can so that you
all can enjoy my adventure as well. If you do not wish me to include
you in this email, please let me know and I will remove your name from my
mailing list.

This week started off interesting. Besides not feeling the crushing
pressure of jet lag, or the ever present coughing sessions, I felt pretty
good this morning. Still coughing a bit, but nothing like last week. I
had picked up some apple juice for the morning, and discovered that the
Germans really like their carbonated beverages. Yup, that's right.
Carbonated apple juice. Must admit, it was a first for me. To be honest, it
isn't bad, but 41 years of flat apple juice leaves you a bit biased.
Made me laugh, which is a good way to start a Monday.

I believe that GeilenKirchin is trying its best to be the Prince Rupert
of Europe. It has rained almost everyday, and has that damp, Victoria
winter weather feel. At least you don't have to shovel rain (got to look
on the bright side, no pun intended). Even the cars have wipers on the
headlights. That may be a bad sign. Jury is still out on that one.
Grass is green but no leaves on the trees.

There was a tornado that touched down in one of London's suburbs last
week. We  felt part of that system this weekend with wind gusts up to
100 kph. Cars were hard pressed to stay in their lane. Pretty wild seeing
trees with no leaves waving back and forth.

European toilet paper. Man, what can I say. Did you ever think anyone
would invent a 0 ply toilet paper? I have used softer stuff to sand my
car. No wonder Germans always sound so angry! Reminds me of this
hilarious Australian ad for TP. Crikey, every strip is soaked in 200g of
Tabasco sauce, FOR THE REAL MAN!

Today was actually a good day at work. I was able to follow and
understand most of what was thrown at me. It is still like drinking from a
fire hydrant, but at least I retained some today :-)  I don't feel as
nervous about the job now. I still plan on having Laurie give me accounting
101, 201, 301 and 434 over the holidays. Leave accountants to make
counting difficult. Geeez.

On top of that, I have to give some courses on how to use the system.
How funny is that? I have 2 months to prepare so that I come off as the
expert. Yah, no pressure. Maybe by that time my security clearance will
go through and I can actually use something on the base.

I got an bunch of emails from my strongman buddies today. They are
doing great, lifting amazing amounts of weight, and doing really well with
the atlas stones. Kinda wish I was there. Guys, keep it up, you are
doing great! I am glad I am still part of that world. Went to check out
the gym I will be using (as soon as I am allowed to that is). Lots of
machines, but quite a few dumbbells and a power rack. I am looking forward
to exercising again. 2 weeks of being ill has made me really want to
get back to the gym. Can't let down my fellow MadDogs.

I may get a temporary pass in the next few days. I hope so, as that
would allow me to actually do some stuff around here. I have been using
the mess hall (though technically I am not allowed to), but everything
else pretty much needs a pass. Hopefully soon.

Had dinner at a sports bar just to have a taste of home. Had a big
burger and fries with a beer. The beer and fries were great, burger sucked.
Looked like one of the patties you get in a big box frozen patties from
loeb. Hope it was beef. The only real thing that sucked was everyone
smokes here. I am not sure, but pets probably smoke too. The air was
blue. Probably won't sleep due to the nicotine in my system.  Cigarettes
are as little as $2/pack so it isn't too surprising. At least at the
base, they instituted a no smoking in the actual office rule (instituted
last month). Most obey it, some don't. A bit of a throwback in that
regard when offices still had ashtrays. At the hotel, I can smell cigarette
smoke in the couch, bed, pillows, etc.... Probably why I have been sick
so long, and probably didn't help either.

My dinner had one high note. I talked with the older waitress who is in
her 50's, but looks younger. Had a great zest for life, and I chatted
with Linda for about a half hour. As I don't know anyone here, it was a
nice change to have a chat. My attempts at German were met with smiles
but no laughter, and her english was very good. Definitely put a
positive spin on the evening. Turns out she has an uncle who lives in Ottawa.
Small world for sure. Just goes to show that you never know.

At least on Thursday, I move into my apartment, which is smoke free.
The previous tenant to Sylvain actually trashed the place pretty badly,
so it was gutted and rebuilt. Between new appliances, and Sylvain buying
everything you need in an apartment, I am set. Kinda like divorce
Barbie (gets all of Ken's stuff). Want a neat twist, dishwashers here have a
salt dispenser. I haven't figured that one out yet either. Maybe the
water is too hard?

The apartment is a nice change. No longer do I have to sleep in a twin
sized bed. As you all know, I ain't skinny. The apartment is great,
quieter and definitely more comfortable. Met the landlord when I signed
the lease. Nice folks. They converted an old farm across the road into a
business, a house, and an apartment. Amazing what a little creativity
can do.

Most houses in this area are brick. It is actually nice to see the
variety of houses and how they are all laid out here. Everyone seem to take
pride in their yards/gardens. You are actually frowned upon if you
don't maintain your residence i.e. washing your windows, sweeping your walk
way, etc. Space is minimal so every bit of space is used. Heating a
house or apartment is usually done with oil, which can be expensive. Very
expensive if you like heat and staying really warm.

Recycling is very big here. Basically, you are rewarded for doing so,
and punished for not. Recycling is free here, but your garbage is
weighed. The more you throw out, the more your garbage pickup costs. Imagine
how you would live if you applied this to your own life. I am surprised
by how conscientious I have become just by thinking about this. You
definitely reduce your garbage output by doing this.

Each village is 3 to 5 kilometers apart. I found this out when I walked
home today. There are bike and walking paths everywhere. I may have to
get a bicycle. Lots of people drive here. There are vehicles that you
just don't see in Canada. I have seen 3 varieties of the smart car here,
Fords that would never sell in Canada, and many others. Mercedes seems
to be the car of choice here, where one person compared BMWs to Hondas.
Different points of view from north america, that is for sure.

You do have to play it safe though. The limit here is 0.05%, which is
almost half our limit. Basically, don't do it. Base personnel are warned
that they will be sent home if that happens, so it is taken seriously
here.

One thing that is different from home is that sometimes the churches
will ring the bells for 20 minutes straight. Even some of my German
friends couldn't understand it, as it was not for any particular holiday or
event. If anyone knows, please email me.

The local shops that serve breakfast always serve small breakfasts. It
is the norm to have coffee, some bread, and some cold cuts. I
personally like a little variety with cereals, or the occasion hot breakfast. I
can eat breakfast now at the base [I got my pass though my security
form is still coming through]. I just don't want to get up that early.

One thing I noticed, besides my inherent ability to jump trains of
thought mid-paragraph, is that trains have destination names not numbers on
the front and sides. This is a little confusing when trying to figure
out where you want to go. For example, to head to Aachen, get on the
train that is labelled Monshechan (sp?). I end up using this great web
site, www.bahn.de, to figure out where I am going. It offers very detailed
info. Good site. It ties in with the local buses everywhere as well,
and gives an itinerary. We could use this concept back home as well.

Over some local chinese food, Sylvain and I had a very interesting
discussion. Besides how the msg was giving me that lovely bloated feeling.
The main mural in the Sistine chapel (the hand of god) has some
interesting features. If you look at the entire mural, it looks like God is
surrounded by a black cloud. If you look carefully, it actually is in the
shape of, and has features of, the human brain. Michelangelo was
fascinated by the human body and its inner workings, especially the brain.
Since that was considered heresy, it had to be done subversively. Check
it out online. Very cool. The other murals also has his "competition" in
it as well. There is a circular path on one, with one corner being
heaven, and one being hell. His competition were all on the way down.
Sylvain is an amazing font of knowledge about Europe and has been travelling
here almost 15 years. Time enough to get a lot of stories. More on
those later.

The finance group decided to have a Christmas lunch on Wednesday. We
all drove over to the Netherlands (don't I sound cosmopolitan). Slightly
different set of rules of the road there. There are basically three
lanes in every city: a car lane, a bike lane, and a pedestrian lane. At
each intersection, each lane has its own set of lights. Lots of blinky
blinky. Downright confusing if you ask me. Anyway, we went to the
Netherlands, from Germany, to have a spanish meal. This would only be funnier
if the waiter was french, but alas, he wasn't. Really nice meal. A
modified tapas meal, with a nice pork or fish dish as the main
course. Thankfully, a lot of people smoked during the meal since I
was really missing the nicotine from the office . Nothing
ruins a good meal like thick cigarette smoke.

One thing that is truly amazing is how LOUD the AWACS are. If they are
taking off, don't bother trying to have a conversation. I am not even
near the runway. The AWACS have 4 huge high powered jet engines that
they run full out to take off. Way louder than any plane engine I have
been near. My office is interesting. I have these two large windows, a
decent desk, a meeting table, and a wardrobe cabinet. My door also weighs
more than 500 pounds, being made of steel with security bolts on the
side and top. Sucker is heavy! I am in a restricted building, so I have
to lock my door if I go anywhere. Makes sense.

Did everyone know that I did a brief stint for canadian airlines in
Beijing where I worked with the ticketing, plane greeting, and plane
hookups (for air conditioning and such). Those power outlets are huge!

I forgot to mention one thing (actually two) about flying into Germany.
One, the west side of Germany is bloody windy. The jet was bobbing all
over the place when we were landing. That makes a good segue into point
2, windmills. Lots and lots of windmills. They cover the country side
here. Makes sense with all the winds, and these are huge. Like the ones
you saw in the movie mission impossible 3. Come on, admit it, you saw
the movie. Anyway, the sheer size of these windmills are amazing. Very
easy to see even when you are up at 20000 feet.

After I landed in Frankfurt and before I took off for Dusseldorf, I did
see a strange site. I found out later that they had the European
bodybuilding championships or something like that, but there were a bunch of
completely roided up guys and girls waiting for the plane back to
Madrid. If stereotypes ever came from something, this was it. Every guy had
on a tank top, or a very tight t-shirt. The girls all work spandex
and/or half shirts. Except for the fact that is was 5C outside, this might
has seemed really vain. Of course, when you are orange, nothing bothers
you. No word of a lie, orange. Some worse than others, but still. I
won't go into details, but the one woman who I overheard speaking probably
had a deeper voice than me. Scary!

One thing that I am on the fence about is dogs. Lots of people here
have dogs and they go everywhere. Into hotels, restaurants, you name it.
On the plus side, you will never see any dogs more well behaved. They
rarely bark, don't run around, and are very well behaved. Like I said, on
the fence for this one. Dogs and food, not a great combo, unless you
happened to be at the chinese food restaurant I mentioned earlier (I'm
kidding!)

Well, that's all for now kids. Hope you all enjoyed my insights and
adventures. I am sure I will have more, but I only have a few days until I
fly back for Xmas. Next instalment will be mid-January. Probably won't
be as long, but hopefully as interesting.

Steve